{"id":119672,"date":"2023-10-05T11:29:04","date_gmt":"2023-10-05T11:29:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/leviolonrouge.com\/?p=119672"},"modified":"2023-10-05T11:29:04","modified_gmt":"2023-10-05T11:29:04","slug":"ask-amy-member-of-group-builds-bridge-to-nowhere","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/leviolonrouge.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-member-of-group-builds-bridge-to-nowhere\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Member of group builds bridge to nowhere"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy:<\/strong> I am in a group of four women who have played Bridge together almost every week for more than 25 years.<\/p>\n

A year ago, one of the group abruptly cut all of us off. Through a series of texts and emails she told us that she can\u2019t be friends with us anymore.<\/p>\n

She wouldn\u2019t make time to see us in person.<\/p>\n

She seems to be particularly mad at me. I emailed her trying to find out what had happened.<\/p>\n

She started with a paragraph about all my wonderful qualities, but then she said that we can no longer be friends.<\/p>\n

She wrote that I\u2019ve done \u201c1,000 things to hurt\u201d her over the years, but she wouldn\u2019t tell me what they were.<\/p>\n

Her son is getting married soon and she has invited the other two members of our group, but not my husband and me.<\/p>\n

As far as I know, she doesn\u2019t see or talk to the other two, either. I\u2019m quite devastated by this and communicated my feelings.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m very hurt that the other two are going to the wedding when I\u2019ve been so slighted and hurt.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if I can keep the hurt from affecting the relationship between the remaining three of us.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like your take.<\/p>\n

— Hurt<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Hurt:<\/strong> I\u2019m not sure it\u2019s fair to judge these other people for accepting an invitation you have been denied.<\/p>\n

This former friend has (perhaps deliberately) set a mystery in motion, and this will corrode your other relationships, if you let it. And then you will have lost three friends, instead of one.<\/p>\n

I cannot dive in and decode this strange turn of events for you, but in my opinion, it is extremely cowardly to confront someone part-way, crack open a box of mysteries, and then slam it shut. If there is an extreme difference in temperament and personality between the two of you (you are outgoing and assertive, she is shy and passive), she may have felt dominated or silenced.<\/p>\n

You could ask your other friends for any insight they might have; one advantage of their glancing contact with this person is that they might bring back some valuable information.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> A few years ago, I started volunteering one day a week for a small, local, nonprofit food organization.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t my first experience as an involved volunteer, and of course, I\u2019ve also been in various workplaces.<\/p>\n

While I enjoyed and felt good about what I was doing, I overlooked the lack of protocols for safety and training, attributing it to the organization\u2019s own growth and learning, especially in these post-pandemic years.<\/p>\n

When I tried to address issues as they arose, however, I felt unheard. Nothing was done.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t felt appreciated or respected by staff or even other volunteers.<\/p>\n

A few months ago, I was injured due to the actions of another volunteer.<\/p>\n

This person didn\u2019t apologize or show any concern for my well-being. After I filled out an incident report, the staff didn\u2019t check on me, either.<\/p>\n

I told them I was taking three months off to focus on family and other responsibilities.<\/p>\n

Recently I got a message from the volunteer coordinator asking if I\u2019d enjoyed my time away, and would I like to return?<\/p>\n

As much as I care about the cause, I can\u2019t go back if things don\u2019t change there, but I\u2019m not sure how to address these issues.<\/p>\n

Should I write a short response indicating that I have concerns, or a longer one outlining all of them as constructive criticism? Or should I let it go and move on altogether?<\/p>\n

— Disappointed Volunteer<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Disappointed:<\/strong> You should respond by outlining your specific concerns about this organization. Keep your tone neutral, but definitely describe any health and safety violations you witnessed during your time there, as well as the lack of adequate training.<\/p>\n

Tell them that you value their mission but that you won\u2019t be returning as a volunteer.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cTeen With No Experience\u201d worried about gaining sexual experience in high school.<\/p>\n

I am surprised and disappointed that you didn\u2019t suggest she consider confiding in her parents, a trusted aunt or uncle, school counselor or minister at her church, with her questions and concerns about sexuality and virginity.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot of peer pressure in school.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t dismiss the help and insights people outside her circle of school friends could offer!<\/p>\n

— Jeff in Denver<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Jeff:<\/strong> Some of these adults might not offer supportive advice, but I do agree with your suggestion, overall.<\/p>\n

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

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